Updated: Sep 25, 2018
Six Tips For Living With Non-Believers
Last week I looked at the impact non-believers’ can have on our demeanor and energy. Refer to https://www.candicewalker.com/blog/blog-4 I concluded with the cautionary note of “when it comes to the company you keep – choose wisely!” This is particularly the case when you are enduring a terminal illness like brain cancer. However whilst nirvana would be great, it is naïve to think that we can eradicate the non-believers from our life. Accordingly, please find the six tips for living with non-believers.
Now that we know the characteristics of a non-believer, what do we do when they are part of our life – in our home, in our neighborhood, in our workplace and in our networks? Learning to manage the non-believer in others is critical to success and fulfillment, as without doing this non-believers may prevent you from living the life that you want.
As a child and as an adult, we just want to be loved, we often want approval and the non-believer in us or in others can quickly hurt our belief, conviction and commitment – if we allow it. We need to expect and accept that non-believers are all around us and always will be.
Do you sometimes think that a person close to you is the reason you have not achieved your dreams? Or played a smaller game? Or perhaps that they have prevented you from reaching your potential? And if this person were more positive or supportive, that your life would be different.
It is time to worry less about what others think about you and to walk forward with a belief as a True Believer. When you master this technique of expecting and accepting non-believers when they show up, when someone makes a comment that in the past would have upset you it becomes like water off a duck’s back.
And a warning: don't be confused about honest feedback from good advisors who have walked the path you want to walk, treating it as negative and thereby ignoring it. Sometimes the truth hurts and we can label these advisors as non-believers, when in fact they are our greatest fans. And best of all you are left with an abundance of energy to focus on creating the best possible you!
While we need to accept that non-believers are part of life, it doesn't mean we have to spend all our time with them – you can limit your exposure. You can practice the art of detach. We need to work hard at protecting our own belief and this may mean choosing to limit the time we spend with people who affect it negatively.
Our environment can adversely influence our performance and engagement in life. When something is not serving us, and we cannot remove either it or ourselves, it is time to limit our exposure.
Once we have accepted that non-believers are a part of life we have to learn to hold a space for them. The ability to hold a space for non-believers essentially means just being, without making judgment. It requires us to have:
Now this can be very difficult to do – particularly when we see that much of our stress or even pain has come as a result of the negative behaviors from the non-believers in others. Holding a space for a non-believer may mean limiting your exposure to them. It may even mean choosing to give them complete space by ceasing contact for a period of time.
Even though we are holding a space for non-believers it doesn't mean we should rescue them. When we rescue non-believers it not only uses up your time and energy, but it can also rob the non-believer of an opportunity to learn and grow from encountering their own life experience and setbacks.
I’m not talking about an appropriate level of support, guidance and nurture. Not rescuing doesn't mean we don't help – on the contrary, it means we help in a different way. The alternatives are that:
When we support non-believers to climb the ladder rather than rescuing, they are more likely to stay up the ladder. Successful and fulfilled people stay out of drama and focus on their own life plans, rather than trying to fix everybody around them. Like the flight attendant giving the safety instructions: “In case of emergency, when the oxygen masks come down, look after yourself first.” Only then are you in a strong position to help and support others around you.
Sometimes we can be too quick to judge others and through words or actions or through lack of words or inaction. We label them as a non-believer when in fact with a little bit of understanding and effort we can build better relationships with those who we thought were non-believers.
But the fact is that it is important to be aware that most often what you are receiving actually parallels what you are giving. Don't expect to receive anything that you are not prepared to give yourself. Or to put it another way – expect back what you give out
So if you don't like what you are receiving – consider that it might just be a reflection of what you are giving. Give nothing – get nothing. Give the bad stuff – get back the bad stuff. But give the good stuff – get back the good stuff!
Do you feel that there are non-believers everywhere in your life – in the home, at work and in your networks? Are there many people in your life who demonstrate many of the characteristics of a non-believer. Are they:
It is important to realize that often our relationships are a reflection of who we are – our attitude, values and actions. Those who we choose to surround ourselves with have a significant influence on our life. That being the case, a great question to ask (and ask often) is, “Am I surrounded by those who reflect the best possible me?” If we are surrounded by non-believers it may be a reflection on us – the non-believer of us.
According to the Law of Attraction, like attracts like. So if like energy attracts like energy it would make sense to be the person you want to attract – attracting like-minded, winning attitudes. On the flip side remember that misery loves company, and so often victims attract other victims in a high-energy, powerful but not so attractive world of drama. And being surrounded by many does not guarantee you have attracted the right people.
Look around – who are you keeping company with? Are there many non-believers? Is your energy attracting them?
And a final thought. It’s best to love the one who are with first that’s you! So work on making your reflection beautiful to yourself, because there’s nothing more attractive than someone happy in her own skin. Then, before too long and without much effort, you will attract crowds of similarly happy and like-minded people – all reflecting and attracting greatness. When we start to love and respect ourselves and work on becoming a True Believer, we see fewer non-believers around us. You will be surrounded by a tribe of True Believers!
Ask often: “Mirror, mirror on the wall, am I reflecting the best one and all?”
And be prepared to answer the question.
In next week’s blog, we will look at building your tribe of True Believers.
Love & Peace