True Believers lead with LOVE
Last week I looked at the six tips for living with non-believers. Refer to https://www.candicewalker.com/blog/blog-5
Today we are going to look at how True Believers live their life above the line. Their aim is to lead with love, not fear. This is as important if you are faced with a terminal illness or just living an ‘ordinary’ life. In every domain of life there’s a line. Without needing to define it, we intuitively know where it is, and where we are in relation to it. We don't often talk about it, but you know the line exists; you know when you are above or below it, and you know for sure when you have crossed it.
If your partner says, “Hey, you crossed the line with that comment” we know we are in trouble. If I asked you “Is your health above or below the line right now?” you would have an answer without either of us needing to define the line. This is true in your personal finances, your career, how you parented yesterday. We all know the line exists; we just don't talk about it that much.
As individuals we want to live above the line as much as possible, to be the most caring, warm, open, and inclusive people that we can be.
As partners, we also need to lead from above the line as much as possible, with courage and compassion, making our relationship as loving as we can. And yet — despite all my efforts I often catch myself below the line. No matter my failures or foibles, however, I strive to get above the line in everything I do.
I have two simple daily barometers that let me know whether I am above or below the line: The first is my patience – or lack thereof – for pedestrians. I’m sure you’ve had the experience at the airport when a luggage-laden passenger steps off the escalator and, unsure of their next move, makes no move at all and stops barely a metre from the escalator exit. When I feel my face flushing and my blood pressure rising, I know I’m below the line.
My second barometer is how I drive; if everyone on the road around me is an idiot and I’m tempted to shout every time someone changes lane, then I am below the line. I try to drive in a zen state, radiating love to all, slowing down, easing the way for all to get safely to their destination… but sometimes I rage against the selfish S.O.B who raced down the left lane and cut into a long-suffering queue of traffic..
When you live you to need to stay above the line as much as possible. This simple ladder gives you the chance to listen and lead from that place, checking in with yourself and others around you about what level we are all choosing to be at.
It is particularly important when you are facing a terminal illness such as brain cancer. Because it is so easy to live below the line. To live a life full of fear. To be angry at the world.
I have spent a lot of my life feeling paralysed by fear. Feeling trapped. When you live here you are not open to possibility. Everything seems impossible. You block out amazing opportunities. Being irrational & saying NO to the obvious. Instead of action, you stay in a flux of being overwhelmed. Letting others dictate a life that is now incongruent. In my story (include website link) I talked about living in my ‘bubble’. When I was diagnosed with cancer I knew I had to emerge and eradicate fear and live life to the full. Not play a small game.
If you are living in fear the key action is to CONNECT. Don't withdraw.
An emotion close to fear is anger. In my personal life, I have always ‘normalised’ this as acceptable behavior from myself and others. What cancer has taught me is that I can’t let this permeate, as it is destructive and keeps me below the line. I have learnt that if others behave this way towards me that it is a non-negotiable. You display anger towards me and you cannot be part of my tribe. It is abuse of the most debilitating kind. It is so easy when you have a terminal illness to keep others away and dwell on the negative of the cards that have been dealt. Unfortunately this emotion does nothing to advance your cause. It most definitely inhibits any hope of dreams coming true.
If you are living with Anger the key action is to take responsibility for everything. Focus on gratitude for others…
The easiest thing to do when given the news of brain cancer is to hide under the doona and get away from the world. Whilst this is a daily temptation I know for the benefit of my children and for any hope of long term survival I have to wake up every morning, steely eye and chase down any opportunity to live. To have the courage of my conviction that one-day there will be a cure. Maybe not for me but I know I have to fight for the opportunity of survival for all cancer patients. It is my purpose. My passion.
If you are living a life full of courage ensure you stay in action, taking tiny steps everyday. Let go and grow...
I am not at this noble level yet (and maybe only the Dalai Lama and others are) but I know that I have now had cancer for 5+ years (beyond initial expectations) and for myself and others, I have to teach what I have learnt. Doctors are the first call but there is so much happening in the world that gives us all hope that a cure can be found. I will know that when I reach a position of apathy towards the consequence and I have embedded my knowledge to many cancer sufferers, I will be permeating LOVE at all interactions. It is only when there are a number of us that the dream of a cancer patient will come true. I firmly believe that LOVE can conquer all.
If you are one of the fortunate ones and you are living a life full of love, teach and bring out this greatness in others.
Spring in Australia occurs over this current period and so it is the perfect time for renewal. Enjoy this time with family and loved ones and may all your intentions for the rest of the year be above the line.
In next week’s blog, we will look at building your tribe of True Believers.
Love & Peace