The Non-Believer in You
Last week I introduced the concept of the True Believer Model. It has been very important for me because when you hear the dreaded words: “we have found a brain tumour and it is terminal” you go into a spiral and belief is the first thing that leaves you. Worse still, you can see the belief drain from everyone else.
A friend of mine gave me a book called the Growth Mindset and it really has changed my outlook on how I can view this cancer journey. When self-doubt shows up in your thoughts it can overpower our beliefs and we become a non-believer. Sometimes we don't realize that we have become riddled with doubt and that we are preventing our own success and those around us. Being a non-believer does not have to have a permanent state. But in order to move away from this difficult state of being, it does require us to first identify if we are currently a non-believer and then to make the changes required. If we can do this successfully, it becomes our great salvation – a tipping point to a higher possibility.
Although non-believers are at the bottom of the growth ladder, as with any ladder, they can move up – if they choose. Those who have a fixed mindset settle for a life they think they are stuck in. Those with a growth mindset understand that everyday is a new beginning and an opportunity for new learning – where we grow and thrive. When we identify that we are a non-believer, or that we are at any particular stage on the growth ladder, there is an opportunity to grow and move upwards.
Are you currently a non-believer? The above table will help you identify some of the characteristics. Please find a deeper discussion:
1. Lack Purpose
For non-believers who lack purpose, their why and what are not aligned. They have lost a strong sense of why they do what they do – they are not focusing on their values. They might get things done, but are not focused on getting things done that matter. As a result, non-believers lack hope and direction and live each day with low energy, poor discipline and lack persistence.
2. Lack conviction and drama
Non-believers lack a vision for a better life and as a result lack conviction. Without a strong belief and a target to aim for they have nothing to be passionate about so they lack stamina. And because conviction is the quality that gives belief stamina and resilience, without vision, non-believers lack resilience. When they get knocked down they become more and more weary and slower to get back up.
3. Lack inspiration
Non-believers lack inspiration and motivation and are unable to visualize a success picture and desirable destination. Without passion for what they value, they lack enthusiasm for life. Very little will light up the non-believer. Uninspired they:
Don't focus on what’s important
Don't get things done that matter
Lack a zeal for life
4. Rarely finish
Non-believers don't deliver on their promises and so rarely finish what they start. With poor vision, focus and endurance they are not dependable, decisive or disciplined when it comes to taking action. They have poor physical and / or mental condition to get in the game, to play and to stay in the game, and to finish the game – they are not match fit. Without commitment non-believers quit more often.
5. Lack consistency
Non-believers are inconsistent – with only bursts of belief, conviction and commitment. Their lack of clarity and discipline sabotages their success. They are often all talk and no action – they must speak as if they have conviction but their actions are not congruent.
6. Are drained
Non-believers often lack respect and do not look after themselves. Rather than putting their health, as there number one priority – they put themselves second or third or even last, causing increasing stress. And although there are many factors that affect our well being, the non-believers’ negative outlook and the accompanying emotions make them feel drained. A long period of being drained causes further decline and leads to serious health, relationship and work problems.
7. Are pessimistic
Non-believers sabotage their own success with their destructive self-talk. Even though they can’t stop the thoughts entering their mind, it’s the poor quality pessimistic thoughts that make them non-believers. Non-believers are often in denial or in drama about their current reality – adding to their pessimism. Often in victim, persecutor or rescuer mode, they see difficulty in most things. Distrust and lack of belief in themselves and in others keep them pessimistic.
8. Are paralysed by doubt
Non-believers are paralysed by a doubt that prevents them from taking action in the right direction. Most of the doubt is due to:
Fear of failure – what if I don't make it?
Fear of rejection – what will others think?
Fear of success – am I good enough?
Self-doubt is not helpful when it overpowers our beliefs and makes us a non-believer. Sadly with every belief and vision comes a constant stream of doubt. Part of belief is to manage the doubt that arrives between a vision and our current reality. A non-believer lacks courage and confidence as a result of not managing their doubts.
9. Don't believe it’s possible
Non-believers find it difficult to see the possibility for a better life. At times in their lives the possibility appears close, but at other times it seems unreachable. But when we settle and can longer see possibility we have become a non-believer.
What do you do if you identify that you are a non-believer?
The good news is, you are already on your way as you are no longer: UnawareIn denialThe next step is to work on moving up the ladder. We will look at these elements with the next few blogs. Once you have mastered these, the non-believer in you will be a distant memory!
Love & Peace